Top 10 Funniest One Liners
I have always envied people who can do humor well particularly the ones who can write them. Trust me it’s no easy feat. I have tried and failed miserably especially while talking to friends who say something funny and all I want is to retort with a quick comeback. These so-called ‘come-backs’ always elude me when I need them, it comes to me after a whole hour sometimes!
The reason I mention this is because of a certain incident with a friend of mine. He said something weird and I took almost 15 minutes before I retorted with a funny one-liner. But he disqualified my retort stating that it was not a quick enough!
So, I committed to educating myself in some funny one-liners and as usual turned to the internet for help. What I saw really tickled my bones and I decided to share it with you lovely people for this week’s Top 10 Tuesday feature.
Here’s my list of Top 10 Funny One Liners from the Internet!
- I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
This one has got to be my all-time favorite one-liner! 
- Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Good question! I have been wondering for a while now! 
- A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Happens to me all the time! 
- You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Yes, true that – the group don’t want you in the picture!
- Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
Absolutely – give them what they deserve! Don’t you agree?
- A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Yes – very true in my case at least!
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
**Bwwaahhhaaa** that’s my evil grin!
- My girlfriend’s dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.
Nope! That’s never going to be the right answer for a dad!
- Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
Especially in the festive season, it has only been saying goodbye…!! Hmmmm!
- If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Trust me, they will dig you out of your grave and make you pay!
Hope you enjoyed my list of one-liners. These are all from the internet and I take no ownership for any of them. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I am terrible with coming up with my own on liners. Maybe I should just memorize these and use it whenever I can!
What about you? Are you good with humor? Let me know.
Rashmi P. Menon
A Single Mother with an unbreakable passion to Live the Life! I am a Writer/Author by passion and an IT Project Manager by profession. I am also the voice of Artemis at In The Pantheon - a multi-author collaborative writing project. When not hunting as Artemis, I am busy querying agents and working on my multiple writing projects. Women Empowerment and Child Rights Advocate.
35 Comments
Nicodemas
Awesome! Especially #1!.
MindandLifeMatters
I know right!
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
Dr Meg Sorick
Haha! These are great! I liked #1 too!
MindandLifeMatters
Number 1 is the best!
oneta hayes
Your comments are great! A very funny and delightful list. Question – What is so idiosyncratic about having a propensity toward perspicuity? Haha. Just playing around! My effort to be funny!
MindandLifeMatters
Hahaha….Neta…I had to read your question twice to understand it….now you know what’s idiosyncratic about it?
Thank you for reading and humoring us with that question!
Miriam
These were great, thanks. As for me and jokes, well I always forget the punch line. Always. So I don’t bother anymore!
MindandLifeMatters
Yea….same with me….I forget them when I need it and remember it at times when I have no requirement for it at all!
Jake@ThePeasantBlog
You just have to love one liners!
MindandLifeMatters
Absolutely! cracks me up every time
Vibrant
Hahaha, they are funny. I am also not good with one liners. I love witty people.
Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas
Love and light <3
Anand
MindandLifeMatters
Thank you Anand!
Merry Christmas to you too
Vibrant
Indira
:):):). I liked the second one.A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
MindandLifeMatters
Yea, that’s a pretty common one!
Wandering Soul
My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
My most frequently use – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)
Wandering Soul
My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
My most frequently used one – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)
MindandLifeMatters
Haha….good ones! I could never come up with my own!!
ranu802
My favorite one is money talks,all mine says is goodbye.
MindandLifeMatters
I can relate! Off late mine has only been telling me goodbye….I’m waiting for when it starts to hello!
ranu802
We all want our money to say ,”hello I’m here don’t worry.
xaranahara
As funny as these sayings are, I found most of these on twitter. The first one was pretty good. I can think of one-liners left and right, but they are offensive. And, one of my exes always had great ones.
MindandLifeMatters
Yea these are all from the internet. I’m hopeless with one liners. I read some really funny ones but they were offensive so I chose not to share them here.
Some people are really good with these like my sister, she knows exactly when to say and how to say it!
xaranahara
I am sure I would love to hear the offensive ones.
This one is good: I’m 27 going on 73.
MindandLifeMatters
Hahaha. . . . sure, I will consider that for anther list! Thank you Xara
xaranahara
Ten Most Offensive One-Liners:
10. You’re 25 going on 50.
9. You’re more of a pain in my ass than a (gay) Swed.
8. What did you eat? 10 burritos! God Almighty where’s the potpourri?
7. With you, I’m not sure whether I’m coming out of a nightmare or going into one!
6. If I had a choice between you or a sea-sick crocodile, I would pick the sea-sick crocodile.
5. If you ain’t for real, then you better bounce because honey badger don’t give a shit.
4. You throw like a Caucasian female!
3. You smell like a Leper Gnome!
2. Your mother was a Murloc.
1. Donald Trump, your mouth resembles your personality because you’re both assholes.
#offensive #top10 #sorrymindandlifematters #hijackedpost
xaranahara
P.S. If you like my list of top ten offensive One-Liners, you can use it and tweek it. I stole half if those from other sources.
#hearthstone #thegrinchwhostolechristmas #xiaolinshowdown #myexboyfriend #yesimamerican #sorrysweetheart
MindandLifeMatters
I like some of themlike no. 7, 6, 5 and 1. Maybe I will use them in a new list. Thanks for being such a sport!
xaranahara
Good point. 3 and 2 are too obscure for the general public. Only avid players of any Blizzard, Inc. games would know those.
MindandLifeMatters
Aha…I dont know the games…so that explains it!
xaranahara
Yes. The Evil Heckler in Hearthstone says those two things.
xaranahara
1 was mine, and 5 came from the honey badger meme. 6 was from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and 7 was from Xiaolin Showdown.
MindandLifeMatters
hahahaaaa…..you are good with it! No. 1 is really really good!
Jade Sutton
Number 2 is my favorite!!! Finally there is a use for algebra!!!
MindandLifeMatters
Yea my fav too! I always wondered Y!?