Top 10 Funniest One Liners
I have always envied people who can do humor well particularly the ones who can write them. Trust me it’s no easy feat. I have tried and failed miserably especially while talking to friends who say something funny and all I want is to retort with a quick comeback. These so-called ‘come-backs’ always elude me when I need them, it comes to me after a whole hour sometimes!
The reason I mention this is because of a certain incident with a friend of mine. He said something weird and I took almost 15 minutes before I retorted with a funny one-liner. But he disqualified my retort stating that it was not a quick enough!
So, I committed to educating myself in some funny one-liners and as usual turned to the internet for help. What I saw really tickled my bones and I decided to share it with you lovely people for this week’s Top 10 Tuesday feature.
Here’s my list of Top 10 Funny One Liners from the Internet!
- I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
This one has got to be my all-time favorite one-liner! 😀
- Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
Good question! I have been wondering for a while now! 😉
- A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
Happens to me all the time! 😛
- You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Yes, true that – the group don’t want you in the picture! 😀
- Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.
Absolutely – give them what they deserve! Don’t you agree?
- A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Yes – very true in my case at least! 😀
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
**Bwwaahhhaaa** that’s my evil grin!
- My girlfriend’s dad asked me what I do. Apparently, “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer.
Nope! That’s never going to be the right answer for a dad!
- Money talks …but all mine ever says is good-bye.
Especially in the festive season, it has only been saying goodbye…!! Hmmmm!
- If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Trust me, they will dig you out of your grave and make you pay!
Hope you enjoyed my list of one-liners. These are all from the internet and I take no ownership for any of them. Like I said in the beginning of this post, I am terrible with coming up with my own on liners. Maybe I should just memorize these and use it whenever I can!
What about you? Are you good with humor? Let me know.
Rashmi P. Menon
A Single Mother with an unbreakable passion to Live the Life! I am a Writer/Author by passion and an IT Project Manager by profession. I am also the voice of Artemis at In The Pantheon - a multi-author collaborative writing project. When not hunting as Artemis, I am busy querying agents and working on my multiple writing projects. Women Empowerment and Child Rights Advocate.
35 Comments
Nicodemas
Awesome! Especially #1!.
MindandLifeMatters
I know right! 😀
Thank you, glad you enjoyed it!
Dr Meg Sorick
Haha! These are great! I liked #1 too!
MindandLifeMatters
Number 1 is the best! 😀
oneta hayes
Your comments are great! A very funny and delightful list. Question – What is so idiosyncratic about having a propensity toward perspicuity? Haha. Just playing around! My effort to be funny! 😀 😀
MindandLifeMatters
Hahaha….Neta…I had to read your question twice to understand it….now you know what’s idiosyncratic about it? 😛
Thank you for reading and humoring us with that question! 😀
Miriam
These were great, thanks. As for me and jokes, well I always forget the punch line. Always. So I don’t bother anymore!
MindandLifeMatters
Yea….same with me….I forget them when I need it and remember it at times when I have no requirement for it at all! 😀
Jake@ThePeasantBlog
You just have to love one liners!
MindandLifeMatters
Absolutely! cracks me up every time 😀
Vibrant
Hahaha, they are funny. I am also not good with one liners. I love witty people. 🙂
Thanks for sharing. Merry Christmas 🙂
Love and light <3
Anand 🙂
MindandLifeMatters
Thank you Anand!
Merry Christmas to you too 🙂
Vibrant
🙂 🙂 🙂
Indira
:):):). I liked the second one.A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
MindandLifeMatters
Yea, that’s a pretty common one! 😀
Wandering Soul
My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
My most frequently use – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)
Wandering Soul
My all time favourite – of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most! (not mine)
My most frequently used one – Sorry, didn’t hear that. I suffer from selective hearing! (original)
MindandLifeMatters
Haha….good ones! I could never come up with my own!! 🙂
ranu802
My favorite one is money talks,all mine says is goodbye. 🙂
MindandLifeMatters
I can relate! Off late mine has only been telling me goodbye….I’m waiting for when it starts to hello! 😀
ranu802
We all want our money to say ,”hello I’m here don’t worry. 🙂
xaranahara
As funny as these sayings are, I found most of these on twitter. The first one was pretty good. I can think of one-liners left and right, but they are offensive. And, one of my exes always had great ones.
MindandLifeMatters
Yea these are all from the internet. I’m hopeless with one liners. I read some really funny ones but they were offensive so I chose not to share them here.
Some people are really good with these like my sister, she knows exactly when to say and how to say it! 🙂
xaranahara
I am sure I would love to hear the offensive ones.
This one is good: I’m 27 going on 73.
MindandLifeMatters
Hahaha. . . . sure, I will consider that for anther list! Thank you Xara
xaranahara
Ten Most Offensive One-Liners:
10. You’re 25 going on 50.
9. You’re more of a pain in my ass than a (gay) Swed.
8. What did you eat? 10 burritos! God Almighty where’s the potpourri?
7. With you, I’m not sure whether I’m coming out of a nightmare or going into one!
6. If I had a choice between you or a sea-sick crocodile, I would pick the sea-sick crocodile.
5. If you ain’t for real, then you better bounce because honey badger don’t give a shit.
4. You throw like a Caucasian female!
3. You smell like a Leper Gnome!
2. Your mother was a Murloc.
1. Donald Trump, your mouth resembles your personality because you’re both assholes.
#offensive #top10 #sorrymindandlifematters #hijackedpost
xaranahara
P.S. If you like my list of top ten offensive One-Liners, you can use it and tweek it. I stole half if those from other sources.
#hearthstone #thegrinchwhostolechristmas #xiaolinshowdown #myexboyfriend #yesimamerican #sorrysweetheart
MindandLifeMatters
I like some of themlike no. 7, 6, 5 and 1. Maybe I will use them in a new list. Thanks for being such a sport! 😀
xaranahara
Good point. 3 and 2 are too obscure for the general public. Only avid players of any Blizzard, Inc. games would know those.
MindandLifeMatters
Aha…I dont know the games…so that explains it! 😀
xaranahara
Yes. The Evil Heckler in Hearthstone says those two things.
xaranahara
1 was mine, and 5 came from the honey badger meme. 6 was from the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, and 7 was from Xiaolin Showdown.
MindandLifeMatters
hahahaaaa…..you are good with it! No. 1 is really really good! 😀
Jade Sutton
Number 2 is my favorite!!! Finally there is a use for algebra!!!
MindandLifeMatters
Yea my fav too! I always wondered Y!? 😀